Dealing with toxic people

Q. How do you deal with toxic people (bullies, snobs, control freaks, whiners, etc.) you just cannot avoid?

I'm assuming that,

• you have emphatically stated that you do not appreciate a particular behavior or trait, yet you see no change.
• You have at least a vague idea of why the toxic person is toxic (is it his personality type, or some deep insecurity, or frustration, or some deep rooted belief, etc.)
• You know the triggers (situations, behaviors, time of day, etc.) that could elicit an extreme display of the behaviors you so deeply abhor.

Here are some strategies (listed in no particular order of priority) that could work:

1. Minimize opportunities for the undesirable behavior to show-up.Unless you are a trained psychologist or directly responsible for this individual's output, why bring up more of something that you clearly are unable to handle in the first place.
2. Add someone else into the equation.i.e. someone who could neutralize or at least limit the degree of the toxicity. For instance, if a customer tends to get nit-picky with every single line on your status report, inviting your manager and your customer's manager into the review meeting may help move on and close the meeting on time.
3. Mirror the other person's physical stance for immediate results.
   If your boss is furious and is just hammering on... mimic the body posture, decibel level and breathing rhythm that is being displayed. Now that you both are on the "same page", gradually alter your stance and calm your own breathing to sub-consciously alter your bosses' physical stance as well. Notice that it is very difficult to breathe deeply and slowly and be angry at the same time.
4. Give the person a taste of his own medicine.
   This strategy is similar to the one above, but works when you want to highlight a certain trait or pattern that cannot be done in a single instance. The idea is to hold a mirror in front of this person and pull it back at the right time. Genuinely empathizing with the individual once he has experienced the "Oh $#!+ !" moment could help in fostering a much better relationship in the long run.

Use your own judgement on when to use which approach and detox your life.

A note of caution:
At times you may feel that this individual is successful in spite of such bad behavior. You may be tempted to overlook your better judgement and actually mimic the toxic behavior at display to be successful, just like that arrogant colleague who keeps screaming at the top of his voice and actually gets things done. 

Please avoid this trap !

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Handling mediocre-but-(I-know-it-all) guys

Q. What is a better way to address Mediocre-but-(I-know-it-all) guys around?

Assuming you have a reasonable counter opinion or argument, here is what you could do (scripted for easy rehearsed re-production).

You say: "Really??" 
Display surprise, intrigue, anxiousness, fear or any such strong emotion in your tone and facial expression depending on the context and situation. This should disturb the mental state of supremacy being displayed by Mr. Know-it-all.

You say: "Thats' interesting"
This will ensure that you have your listener's full attention

Now state your point-of-view in a matter of fact, yet innocent and confident tone, as if seeking approval or clarity... since you are confused / concerned / alarmed / worried thanks to the piece of advice dished out by Mr.know-it-all. 

By doing this, you are not hurting his ego, and yet breaking his resistance to another perspective. Projecting a state of subtle vulnerability also invariably instills a sense of responsibility into the other person's sub-conscious. At the very least, he will re-consider his perspective in the light of what you have just shared. 

This may not drastically alter Mr.Know-it-all's cocky attitude, but he will surely be better behaved with you around.

Go on... have fun :-)

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Leadership and Team Diagnostics

Q. Leadership and Team Diagnostics
If you were to choose a diagnostic for leaders and for teams to gain great insight into their patterns of behavior - what would be your criteria?

My first choice would be to define the criteria for the team and then for the respective leader. If the team is in great form, half the battle is won in advance.

The diagnostic for the team should be able to answer the following key questions:
1) Do team members individually and collectively behave in a way that is consistent with the values of the organization?
2) If yes, under what circumstances would it hold good and what are the derailers?
3) Given the business environment, does the team collectively display behaviors that would more or less ensure successful completion of critical organizational goals?
In summary, is the team the RIGHT team to take the organization from point A to point B under current circumstances?

Based on the insights from the above questions, the diagnostic for the leader should be able to answer the following questions:
1) Does the leader behave in a manner that propels the said team towards goal attainment or away from it?
2) If circumstances turn unfavorable, would the leader still be able to steer the team towards success?
3) Most importantly... does the leader 'walk the talk'?

HR having access to HR data

Q. Should people in HR have access to data belonging to others in HR?

Human Resource professionals are after all people just like you and me. They are as likely to have prejudices, preferences and political agendas as their colleagues from any other department across the organization. Infact data suggests that people working within the Human Resources function are as likely to jump jobs, as their counterparts from any other department.

So my answer is a 'YES' for all kinds of data pertaining to their juniors only. It would NOT be prudent to let HR professionals have access to highly sensitive data such as compensation, performance rating, etc. pertaining to their peers and superiors within the same HR function.

Understanding your client

Q. What can I do to help lead our company up and out of here?

We are a service organization and need our people understanding our customers better. We provide a lot of data, systems and consulting to support this very thing but our metrics seem to be pegged and immovable.

Understanding the client = being in business... particularly for a services organization.

Hence assuming your customer information systems are in place (though I'm a bit skeptical here) AND assuming that you have the right metrics in place (are you sure?) you may want to clearly define what it means to understand your customers well, across job bands and roles.

i.e. only if an employee meets these standards can he/she claim to 'understand' the client. This will remove all ambiguity and subjectivity.

From this point on, it should be fairly straightforward and you should see the CSat and sales go up.

Political savvy at the workplace

Q. How can a manager help his/ her team member build political savvy at the workplace and when done, how can you measure improvement?

The manager could assign shared goals to his/her team members wherein it becomes necessary to work with cross functional teams for goal achievement. While this approach is used at many companies to meet overall business goals, employees improve their own political savvy in the process. Achievement of these shared goals should be a fair indicator of political savvy.

The degree of collaboration towards the achievement of such shared goals would be a good indicator of the degree of political savvy demonstrated. How did individuals from different teams negotiate their respective parts in the equation? Which individuals from different groups got along well and which ones did not? How did they negotiate different priorities?... these areas can be measured objectively while trying to access who has been able to improve their political savvy at work.

Cross-departmental collaborations

Q. What is the best way to foster better cross-departmental collaboration as an organization grows?

It is said that families who eat together stay together, we see this philosophy extending to the work place as well. Encouraging this informal bonding could be the backbone to fostering connections between individuals... which would eventually lead to collaboration across groups and departments.

Having shared goals with measurable targets across functions / departments would cement such informal efforts.

On a lighter note, one of my earlier managers once commented that she almost felt compelled to encourage the frequent smoke breaks that people took, several times a day. You often notice people bonding over a cigarette discussing politics, personal lives and a ton of other topics... including work. A rather valid observation she (my ex-manager) made !

Handling virtual teams

Q. What is the best piece of advice you would give a manager of a virtual team (located in other cities)?
Many managers now have team members scattered geographically.They may have limited opportunities to meet in person. These teams may relay on social media, email, telephone conference calls, and web conferencing to meet. How can they avoid miscommunication, unclear expectations, and conflict? What is the best piece of advice you would give this manager? 

Try and make your performance management system as objective and transparent as possible. This will build trust across your team members, irrespective of geography. i.e. Your team members from other locations will not get insecure over your not being around them to appreciate their good work at all times. Every other team and people management principle is a technicality from this point on, i.e. once the foundation of trust is firmly in place.