Dealing with toxic people

Q. How do you deal with toxic people (bullies, snobs, control freaks, whiners, etc.) you just cannot avoid?

I'm assuming that,

• you have emphatically stated that you do not appreciate a particular behavior or trait, yet you see no change.
• You have at least a vague idea of why the toxic person is toxic (is it his personality type, or some deep insecurity, or frustration, or some deep rooted belief, etc.)
• You know the triggers (situations, behaviors, time of day, etc.) that could elicit an extreme display of the behaviors you so deeply abhor.

Here are some strategies (listed in no particular order of priority) that could work:

1. Minimize opportunities for the undesirable behavior to show-up.Unless you are a trained psychologist or directly responsible for this individual's output, why bring up more of something that you clearly are unable to handle in the first place.
2. Add someone else into the equation.i.e. someone who could neutralize or at least limit the degree of the toxicity. For instance, if a customer tends to get nit-picky with every single line on your status report, inviting your manager and your customer's manager into the review meeting may help move on and close the meeting on time.
3. Mirror the other person's physical stance for immediate results.
   If your boss is furious and is just hammering on... mimic the body posture, decibel level and breathing rhythm that is being displayed. Now that you both are on the "same page", gradually alter your stance and calm your own breathing to sub-consciously alter your bosses' physical stance as well. Notice that it is very difficult to breathe deeply and slowly and be angry at the same time.
4. Give the person a taste of his own medicine.
   This strategy is similar to the one above, but works when you want to highlight a certain trait or pattern that cannot be done in a single instance. The idea is to hold a mirror in front of this person and pull it back at the right time. Genuinely empathizing with the individual once he has experienced the "Oh $#!+ !" moment could help in fostering a much better relationship in the long run.

Use your own judgement on when to use which approach and detox your life.

A note of caution:
At times you may feel that this individual is successful in spite of such bad behavior. You may be tempted to overlook your better judgement and actually mimic the toxic behavior at display to be successful, just like that arrogant colleague who keeps screaming at the top of his voice and actually gets things done. 

Please avoid this trap !

My answers to interesting questions on Quora

Self generate or outsource content creation?

Q. Should a startup grow its own content or use another company's content?

The fundamental questions that precede your main question are...

1. How CRITICAL is the content to the success of your startup?
2. Do you know precisely WHAT content you need?
3. Do you know who exactly is the TARGET AUDIENCE for different types of content?
4. Do you know what content CONSUMPTION PATTERNS will work for different consumer types?
5. Lastly, how CAPABLE is your startup in generating such content?

Assuming content is critical to your startup's core product / service, you may want to have better control and therefore generate your own content. You could however get creative on the execution strategy to keep your overheads low. While you work on your content strategy (that would emerge from the above questions)... you could outsource the creation part.

For instance, you could define the subjects, word count, target audience, and other parameters for your blog page and outsource the actual blog writing work to experienced professionals.

Some of the content may also be sourced (via appropriate channels) from external sources like another blog, website, or company... as long as it fits into your strategy and budget. You may then filter out what you need and present it the way you want to on your website, blog, etc.

My answers to interesting questions on Quora

Validating vendor credibility

Q. How to recognize Self-Proclaimed Internet/Social Media Experts? How to avoid them?

Their experience and clientele should give you the first indication of their capabilities. However, this may seem discriminatory towards those who are new to the business and want an opportunity to prove themselves. So I would typically ask a social media expert to set and meet certain targets. Measurable results speak for themselves.

How to avoid fake experts? There are plenty of ways, depending on what kind of impression you would like them to have of you, after the rejection.